You always complain that I am less expressive. That I don’t let my emotions free. That I always stay closely guarded about my feelings. You even go to the extent of branding me a stone-hearted person. Well, that makes me laugh. Trust me.
Today, in this piece of my heart that belongs to you, I’ll let you know about my all my hidden feelings. I’ll let you know how I feel with you and around you. I’ll tell you how my heart skips a thousands of beats whenever I see you.
The way you look into my eyes is like entering into some kind of magical world. A world where there is only love, intimacy, trust and care. Is it wrong to say that I am a little bit envious of your dark brown eyes? I don’t care. They make me feel so important as you seldom take them off me.
You know, how I feel butterflies fluttering in my stomach whenever you kiss me. The softness of your lips that touches my forehead every now and then gives me all kinds of nervousy feelings. The tenderness of your hands, sends a wave of calm across my body as you take mine into yours.
Whenever you embrace and take me into your arms, it’s like being in the safest place in the entire world. You may not believe but once you had fallen asleep on my lap and I sat there unmoved for nearly two hours, just staring at your peaceful and angelic face(yes; angelic, like an angel).
Before you came along, my life was an epitome of mess. Things were heading into a wrong direction. And I always found it difficult to get past all this.
But now, everything seems to be falling into right places. The lost pieces of my life are finding their way back in. I can’t find the mess anywhere. You’ve embraced every fault of mine. You are perfect.
With you, it’s perfect.
It is this feeling that grips you hard sometimes. It clutches so tightly, that you are left with no option but to sit down, motionless. You bombard yourself with questions that seemed useless to you earlier.
You start searching for faults in yourself. Everything seems right except you. The judgements and opinions of people matters the most rather than your own conscience. You experienced chaotic days and sleepless nights.
You know, it’s kind of over-thinking that will hurt you and keep hurting you. It’s the feeling when your life appears to be worthless and then you keep re-visiting your past. And find out instances where you could’ve made it better. Now, that’s bad. You may or may not succumb to it.
That feeling of self-doubt. It’s dangerous. Too dangerous. But then, there’s a way out of everything. So what say, self-belief. Sounds right?
Freedom is when you successfully escape from your insecurities and come out with a trust that life will always give you reasons to smile every now and then.
Freedom is when you break away from the chains of disappointment and hopelessness that had clutched you tightly for so long.
Freedom is when you no longer feel scared around people and their judgemental eyes don’t bother you anymore.
Freedom is when you choose to rise above every obstacle without complaining.
Freedom is when you refuse to be only a silent victim of your own circumstances.
Freedom is when you know your worth and start loving yourself like nobody else. You finally realize that nothing really matters but letting yourself down in your own eyes.
When you wish to have something, the Universe is bound to hear and bless with what you desire. But your vibrations must be strong and it’s frequency the highest. You also need to be optimistic about what you want and never wish for something that involves negation. This is what I learnt from author Rhonda Byrne’s ‘The Secret’. These words came alive today.
I really wanted to have this particular book for a long time. Like for 2 months. Everyday, I muttered to myself that I just need to get this soon. Finally, I found it but was not getting the opportunity to purchase it. I delayed buying it for a week. At last I bought it today and I noticed something at the book stall. Two books of the same author had been sold but not this one. So, I deemed myself lucky that I was able to get it.
Last night, I felt my heart pounding faster. It was so swift and loud that I could literally hear it. I was rolling over my bed for a long time as I was struggling to sleep.
I even tried tuning into some music, but that proved of no help. The insomnia bug had already bitten me.
I tried explaining myself that everything was fine, pacified my heart and stabilized the mind. But, I just couldn’t stop thinking about you.
As long as I was with you, my heart kept saying to me that, it’s better to walk away than holding on to something that is worthless and disgusting.
I continued to sort things out, to find light at the end of the tunnel, but my fortunes seemed to be miffed with me. So, I just left. Without any regrets.
But now everything appears to be messed up and I cannot figure out this.
Maybe, I didn’t wanted to leave you without your explanation.
Maybe, I feel betrayed and is desperately in need of an answer.
Or maybe, I loved you so much that I cannot afford to hate you the same way.
There’s so much, I want to say. The words on my tongue are fighting a battle to come out at once. I wish to blurt out everything that my heart has hold on for so long. But all I could do is just mumble. My sentences seem to slip everytime I try to speak.
My mind is clogged with unexpressed feelings and incomplete words. But my lips are stuck to each other. Stubborn. My eyes lowers and I take deep breaths the moment I feel like letting my heart out. I am out of guts.
I feel voiceless.
There’s a bitter-sweet relationship between human beings and expectations.We tend to expect certain things from life. We want to shape our destiny as we want to.
But fail to grasp the reality that some instances in life cannot occur as we have actually planned. They just tend to happen out of the blue.It gives us that sudden shock. There our expectations breaks. And we break even harder.
Closing all doors of happiness and positivity, we hide in our shell. Also claim to hate the world around us.But why would we hate others. They never ever had any knowledge about our expectations. Then who is accountable to us? Nobody! But only our own self.
Expectations, however we try to protect them it would eventually break. But we are always taught to never ever lose hope on anything
So we build the expectations, hoping that it would get fulfilled.Ready to get ourselves tested again!
The worst feeling in the world is not be loved by someone, to whom you should be the most important person in their life. It’s like being hit by numerous arrows at the same time.
Above all, you can’t even screech your heart out. You find it unnecessary to break down in front of them. But somewhere deep down, you want them to come running, caress your wounds and heal your pain. You know that would never happen, but still.
You yearn for their love,care, support, affection, you want a sense of belongingness. But then one day, you realize that it’s useless clinging onto them. So, you just let go.
But will that stop hurting you for the rest of your life?
It’s difficult to forgive people who have done nothing but hurt us. Forgiving is majorly a mammoth task. The word sounds so much simpler, but to actually bring it into action is everything compared to being dead. This could be because the person who has hurt us, is not asking for forgiveness. And proudly boasting of their goodness in the eyes of the world. Sometimes you try to suppress your emotions and begin searching for qualities in the same person. But you can’t. This kills you everyday, slowly. Forcing a smile whenever you see them, laughing as if nothing had happened and then bursting out in seclusion is all you could do.
Why can’t it be much simpler than it actually sounds?
Let’s go back into time
When we couldn’t get enough of each other
When a single text from you would enlighten my entire mood
Let’s go back into time
When one day without you seemed like a lifetime
When our lengthy chats kept us awake late at night
Let’s go back into time
When we went to evening strolls on beaches
When holding your hands made me believe that nothing in the world can do us apart, not even our own self
What changed you drastically?
Or I am just being too cynical?
I don’t want my fairytale romance to turn into a unending nightmare.
Can’t we just start things all over again?
So, let’s go back into time!