Trace

I have waited
long enough
to be loved by
somebody else.

Someone who was
a picture in my dreams,
caressing my tender back,

entwined hands,
whispering softly, with
a mint-like breath.

I failed to realise
that dreams are made
of glass, that break
taking your heart away
to an isolated place.

What I see now, is
not a picture but
shadow that’s fading.
like the moon wanes
until one day when it
finally disappears
into the pitch-black sky.

And this shadow will
also disappears one day,
without leaving a trace.

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Shadows.

You wished to abandon this life, 

A life lived under the shadows,

In the shadows of someone else,

They say, you got nothing.

Yes, heartbreaking it is to hear,

You lived a life,

That was a fallacy,

Dreams made of glass.

But, you know what,

They are the shadows,

Shadows that demotivate,

Shadows that pluck you, before you could blossom.

Shadows that pull you down, before you could fly

At that moment, you should think of nothing

But to prove them wrong, who wronged you.

Your dreams aren’t made of glass, but diamonds.

Those shadows can’t break them.

One thing that the shadows can’t do. 

Fire

Always keep the fire of passion burning in your heart. It’s the only thing that keeps you alive, amidst the battle of survival in this illusional world. You may survive or probably die, but your passion won’t. And that will be the last resort for you to conquer, whatever you desire. With passion you are a winner, but without it, you are nothing but a hollow shell. Be passionate enough to be able to survive or else, get ready to be dead. 

You don’t deserve.

You don’t deserve to get lost, in the sea of obscurities.

You don’t deserve to be hopeless, with your wounded wings.

You don’t deserve a soul, that is complete shattered and tattered.

You don’t deserve a heart, broken beyond the imagination.

You don’t deserve to be the prisoner, of your unmemorable past.

You don’t deserve the rueful eyes, of the people that never cared enough

You deserve something more, something bright.

You deserve to fly high, above the mighty clouds.

You deserve the spring as well as the rain.

You deserve the soothful winter mornings. 

You deserve the colourful skies of summer evenings.

You deserve to be loved, immeasurably.

You deserve everything beautiful

You deserve the peace of your soul.

Triumph

There you are, again 

Doubting yourself,

All in vain.

Take it easy,

They are just your fears,

Let the mocking come,

Face the jeers.

You didn’t start,

To quit halfway,

Chuck what they feel,

They don’t care about you, anyway.

Take every moment,

Make it yours,

That, which is your defeat,

Turn it into your victory.

On the blank canvas,

Scatter your vivid colours,

Paint a picture,

That reflects your dreams.

That, which was your defeat,

Turn it into a victory.

Tales of a dreamer #13

The Final Tale

TODAY, 22/04/2017

It has been a year and my writings are being printed almost every month in the magazine. Actually, it has become more of a mandatory thing. And the appreciation and encouragement from my fellow students, friends, the professors are increasing day- by- day. 

Some also say that the protagonist in my poems and stories are always determined, tenacious, courageous, resilient and strong-headed. Some also find inspiration from my characters. Writing, which was my way of escaping from reality, was now teaching me to live life.

My senior friend completed his third and last year at the college. He has already left to seek admissions in one of the prestigious universities away from home and me. 

I felt bad about this but realised that it would be best for him. That’s what friends are for me, to be supportive and motivating. I still have a year to complete and after having walked hand-in-hand with him, now it was time to find my own way. 

You must be thinking, that did I fell in love with him? How can anyone not fall in love with the person who constantly stays by your side through thick and this, someone who helps you to find the correct path, someone who becomes your bedrock and shield. 

I doubted, whether I would be ever able to find another best friend again? I am glad to finally get one. This year on Mother’s Day, I didn’t write any letter to my mom, instead I tore all the earlier ones. 

I went straightaway to my mom and told her all those things which I always wanted to. I told her that, she was the most beautiful person in this world, that she is my only precious gem and that I love her more than myself and anyone else. 

Saying those words, I hugged her tight. I felt like the burden of hundreds of rocks was finally relieved from my shoulders. To Dad, I just smiled. I think there was nothing more left between us. Some things would never change.

I cannot bring back all the years from my past but regretting over them will only lessen the happiness of the present and future. I realised that it was always easy to at least try to overcome the obstacles, instead of just bragging about them.

 I realised that it was not impossible to triumph over your fears and insecurities. I also realised that people who genuinely love and care about you, would always be there by your side. And the most important thing, only you are responsible for your happiness and no one else.

I looked up at the sky and saw the cotton-like clouds flowing gently along with the cool breeze. That slight golden sparkle of the sun glistening through the tiny pores of the white clouds and the sight of the birds flying their way back home in a perfect rhythm and sync, was marvelling. The swaying wind brushed past my face, making my hair dance to their mellifluous music. 

A wave of sheer tranquillity passed throughout my entire body. I closed my eyes in calmness and hoped that this continues for ever. That’s when I realised, what it actually feels like to live every moment without letting your inner enemy steal it away from you.

Wait, this is not the end. This is a beginning.

It’s the beginning of everything bright and beautiful!

Life is all about falling hard and rising again, stronger than ever!

Tales of a dreamer #12

Learning to dream

I was once going through the magazine of my college, which gets published every month. The pages of the magazine were opulent of emotions and dreams of the people, who always dared to give themselves a chance. Who never feared to dream and tried to live for them. Oh! How I wish to be like them.

Everything seemed to be just fine until I reached on the last page. What I saw left me completely baffled and I could believe my eyes. My poem had been printed on the last page, with my name written in bold. I remembered, that I had not given my poems to anyone. So how come it could feature in the magazine?

Just then, a thought tickled my mind. Someone thought that I was an amazing writer. Someone wanted me to let my poems reach the world. Someone was propelling me to finally take a flight. I knew, who was it!

After my poem featured in the magazine, my life changed drastically. People started recognising and appreciating my writing abilities. Students who never ever had spoke to me, came forward with wide smile and said that they loved my poem. And some also requested me to publish one every month.

Honestly. all the praises and applauds were slowly boosting my confidence. I could totally sense that, the girl who went missing after the 4th grade was now coming back.

That day at home, after returning from college I straightaway went to my bedroom and locked the door. I pot my hand under the bed and pulled out the box which were the safe abode to my poems. The poems with deep thoughts, unfathomable emotions, living in recluse. There I was, gathering all the guts to let the out from the confinement after having choked for so many years. I decided to overcome my fears and if I lose today, I would never be able to walk with pride.

To be continued…

Tales of a dreamer #11

Acceptance.

Meeting my senior friend in college was one of the best things to have ever happened to me. Having suffered from anxiety before turned him into a sensitive, sensible and caring toward feelings of others. That’s what made him a beautiful human being. 

He was the one who made me realize that, I was so foolish to ever think that people who genuinely cared for me wouldn’t understand my problems. That how I was only waxing my obstacles by not even trying to overcome them and find a way out of it. 

He turned my denial into acceptance and then eventually into my life goal. In order to live happier days, it was important that I let go the things that make me sad and lower my belief. 

Once while sitting in the canteen, I was writing a poem. Suddenly from nowhere he comes and grabs the paper from my hand.

I didn’t want him read it because my poems were only meant for me. They had to fulfill the destiny of trapping inside the box under my bed. So I chased​ him throughout the college, but I failed. Finally, I gave up and could do nothing but watch him read it.

After reading, I say his eyes getting moist. He came closer to me and said, “You are an amazing writer. The world should know about this”. Remember, how I never wanted anyone to know that I write. But thought that somebody would eventually find out my secret and spill the beans to the world. 

Was he supposed to do that? 

Was he the one?

To be continued…

Tales of a dreamer #10

Denial.

I sat across the window, gazing at the black stars-filled sky and a lonely moon flashing it’s luminisence on the barren surface. And all the memories came gushing back to me. The bitter memories that would always moisten my eyes. In no time, I was surrounded a vicious circle if ugly and hurtful memories. 

I thought about my time in school, when a guy made a derogatory remarks on my body and the others behind him erupted into a roar of laughter. How I wanted to bang his head on the wall but ended up crying and running out from the school building. 

When I parted ways with my best friend, I felt like a complete loner in this whole world but couldn’t muster the courage to go over to her and apologise. I wanted to tell everything to my ever concerned and caring mother, but even she was hounded by number of other problems that I just decided to back off. 

Once my parents had a fight and then it turned so ugly that we had to leave the house. Then once, I had locked up myself in my room and started throwing all the things around. But out of fear of being caught, I put everything back in the place. 

Its not that I had no one to talk to, but I always had a feeling that these people won’t understand may even find me whiny and irritating. Nobody would be able to absorb my emotions without judging me.

 I believed that you should never cry in front of others because that displays your weakness. This made me feel more disgusting. And I accepted everything as a part of my life. 

Today, when somebody was actually making a point to help pick up my shattered pieces, I shunned him away. Why I was living in such a denial?

To be continued…

Tales of a dreamer #9

Something unexpected!

A few years ago, I penned down a letter to my Mom on Mother’s Day. I wrote that she was the most beautiful woman on this earth, that she was my only precious gem, that I loved her more than I myself and anybody else. Unfortunately, I confined these on a blank page and tucked it in my poetry box. After that, I wrote many letters but never gave them to her. But after finishing every one of them, I would feel like running across the whole room, find her and hand over the letter.

The thing is, I always found it difficult to express my emotions openly to someone. This was something, that I was never proud of. 

Even my Dad was always apprehensive of expressing his feelings. He would always try to suppress and hide them from us. I never heard him say anything loving to me or caressing my back with care and affection. Or at least try to take interest in my life.

And the most important of all, I was turning into my Dad. That’s the last thing in this world that I would ever want to become. Not even the last! It was kind of scary that running from Dad the whole life actually made me more like him.

And this is the reason why I never loved him like a daughter should.  My Dad could never become my hero nor I could be his princess.  Honestly, I would be hurt everyday and always wished to go far away from him so that I don’t have to pretend things.

One day in college, I was stunned by something very unexpected. My senior friend made a surprising revelation. He confessed about having being suffered from anxiety in the past. At first, my heart fully went out to him. But later he said something that totally annoyed me.

He said that when he saw me at the stairs terrified, he wanted me to help out of this thing. He added that he finds me a little insecure and inferior when it came to dealing with other people.

Oh my God! He felt rueful for me. He befriended me because he thought, I need help. I felt like betrayal and a pang of anger hit on my head. That was disgusting.

I stormed out, furiously.

To be continued…