Cynefin

The inextricable knots of my life are kind of unraveling, since the day I met you. I no longer feel weak at any part of my body, instead I am gaining strength from the very same pain.

It’s like, I have finally found a secret hallway leading my way out from the past into the present and a bright future. Maybe, that’s because you were as broken as I was.

Being with a person who endured a similar pain, gives you a sense of belongingness. You know that if no one doesn’t, this person is always going to understand the kind of struggles you go through.

You! You are my cynefin. And it’s beautiful, when two wounded souls help each other to find the lost pieces of this puzzling and messed up life.

Cynefin: (Welsh) A place where a person or an animal feels it ought to live and belong; it is where the nature around you feels right and welcoming.

Never letting you go

“You can’t let me go”, she said in her soft, mellow voice and tears in her eyes. I stood in front of the window, frozen and stoic, but my ears could clearly hear her whispering sobs as she cried.

There was a wave of deathly silence in the air and between us, hurting the ears. Minutes later, the door banged and she was gone. Outside, the sun sank into darkness and the russet sky was slowly turning into grey.

Suddenly, my mind shifted back to the day when I saw her for the first time. She had unbridled hair, wore out of fashion clothes but had a heart-warming smile. She laughed unabashedly, not caring of what others might think about her.

She was a girl with the heart of gold who knew nothing but love and kindness. A girl who would always appreciate even your flaws and never make you feel bad about them. That girl, she was gone.

I let her go. The one person, who I love more than anything in this world. I let go that person, who loved me when I couldn’t even love myself. At that moment, I realised what I had lost. I lost a star.

A car shrieked outside and I woke up hurriedly, realising that I had been sleeping. Somebody opened the door. It was her, with her ever beaming smile.

“Honey, did I disturb you?”, she asked and I quickly stood up to hug her tight. She was startled with my sudden showing of love, but gave up anyway. And I could only whisper, “I love you. I am never letting you go”.

Image: Silver Linings Playbook

Cinderella

Growing up, Cinderella was my most favourite princess. Her gazelle-like eyes, blonde cascade locks falling perfectly a little below the shoulders and the enigmatic smile made her appear like a goddess.

But, she had a lot more than just a pretty face. She was as beautiful inside as she was in the outside. She had a heart of gold and always wore it on her sleeves.

She was opulent of affection and love for people around, also the ones who did not seem to like her at all. And the virtue of kindness, made her priceless.

However, the most beautiful thing about Cinderella was that she never stopped being her truest self.

She never gave up against circumstances and always managed to keep a tiny smile across he face. Also, she never let the vibes of hatred around her ever harm the love she was gifted with.

That’s what Cinderella is. Merely, not just a princess.

Broken is beautiful

You look so broken with that weak smile on your face. A smile that is a facade, hiding all the sadness you are holding up inside. Your heart probably feels heavy, as you keep on bottling up emotions, heaps and heaps.

But still, your eyes shine like jewels. They always illuminate the lives of people, you deeply love and care. You wear your heart on your sleeves, as you feel that kindness should never be given up.

Despite of being hurt, you still believe that the world is good enough. You still believe in love. And that’s what makes you the one in a million. You may be broken. But that’s my dear, is beautiful.

Pride

The day you left was like a apocalypse waiting to happen for a long, long time.

My entire world came crumbling down, the moment you said goodbye.

As you left, a part of me also went along with you.

I craved, not for that part but for you.

But, I don’t regret letting you go.

You wanted to change my individual existence. You wanted to crush my identity, that I had established after eons and eons of toiling. And this, wasn’t possible.

I know, only magic can help me to forget all your memory.

But one thing that I could be always proud of is, I don’t regret letting you go.

Stay

Stay, for the countless moments we had created together

For the many hurdles that we had battled past triumphantly

For the empty mornings and the prickling nights

For the graceful springs and the hopeful rains

Stay, because there’s nothing more beautiful than to love and to be loved back. 

Stay, because like seasons, circumstances change

Stay, because I want you to.

The Shooting star

Velvety black sky,

Illuminated by the luminous white moon,

Millions of stars ornated the cloudless canopy, embellishing it more.

Down there, I sat in silence,

Profusely crying for someone,

Who was once, mine

The brightness of the night,

Seemed like a curse to me, on my fate.

Just then, I spotted a shooting star,

Followed by its long shiny trail,

Bidding goodbye to the farm,

Where it had always stayed.

Up there, it was still radiant.

The moon didn’t lose its glow and the stars continued to beam

I chided at the thought of the sky, for not crying

Over losing of one of its precious gem.

Have the sky, moon and stars perfectly learned the art of ‘to let go’?

Have they, really?

The daughter you loved.

You had once said, that as you held my tiny hands, every pain, the sorrows and regrets faded away.

You had once said, that I look like an angel, creating magic with my ever-calming smile.

You had once said, that you cried like a child, seeing me in a school uniform for the first time. For you never wanted me grow up and forever stay as your little princess.

You had once said, that my husband didn’t loved me enough. As no other man could ever love me more than you do.

You had once said, you want to meet me in the next birth too. Not much to your surprise, I wanted the same.

And today Dad,

How could you just forget, what you had once said?

Is it not hurting for you to lose the daughter, you have loved the whole life?

For me, it hurts Dad!

It feels like, needles piercing me every hour. 

I break into million pieces every day, when you refuse to recognize me.

Every tear from my eyes, pleads you. Pleads you to call my name, at least once. Pleads you to reminisce the moments and memories, that we had held so dear.

Dad,

Why you seem so far from all of us and me, despite being so close?

Alzheimer’s is dreadful, for the person who just forgot the memories of his long life. Isn’t it saddening to learn that you don’t remember the days of your life? A life, where you always strived harder to make it memorable. A life, that’s not only made of your sweat and blood but with the people you have always loved. It’s heartbreaking for people whose parents don’t remember them. We lose our mind, if our one day out of the blue, our best friend ceases to talk with us. Imagine the plight the sons, daughters who lose their life, their parents to this disease.

You don’t deserve.

You don’t deserve to get lost, in the sea of obscurities.

You don’t deserve to be hopeless, with your wounded wings.

You don’t deserve a soul, that is complete shattered and tattered.

You don’t deserve a heart, broken beyond the imagination.

You don’t deserve to be the prisoner, of your unmemorable past.

You don’t deserve the rueful eyes, of the people that never cared enough

You deserve something more, something bright.

You deserve to fly high, above the mighty clouds.

You deserve the spring as well as the rain.

You deserve the soothful winter mornings. 

You deserve the colourful skies of summer evenings.

You deserve to be loved, immeasurably.

You deserve everything beautiful

You deserve the peace of your soul.