About you

Dear You

Yesterday, I told him about you. I told him about the day we first met. I told him about the day, we ran away from the Christmas party to be somewhere peaceful and had our own slow dance under the moonlight.

I told him about the day, we fought with each other only because you said that Friends sucks. I told him about the day, you wiped my tears before planting a kiss on my lips. And how in that moment, every wrong felt right.

The kiss didn’t take my breath away but made me feel safe.

What I didn’t tell him is that, I miss you. Everyday, I try to find you in him. That, I feel like cheating on you by being with him. I don’t feel like home in his heart. It has been with you. It was always you.

Yesterday, I told him about you.

Love,

Me

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Hold on

There’s a reason why we hold on to some people for too long. Everytime you try to let go a little, the more you cling to them. You know that they won’t reply, still you don’t want to lose a single opportunity of getting them back again. You don’t mind calling them 20 times a day, even apologizing for for mistakes that you didn’t even commit. You always remind them of your cute little memories, having time of your lives. Those late night conversations, morning brunches, surprise birthday parties and the way you pick up each others scattered pieces. That’s the kind of impact some people create on our lives. The problem is, you gave them a bit if too much of yourself and now it’s so difficult to get it all back.

Not that girl

All those letters, I wanted to send you, now rest peacefully inside the four walls of my cupboard. I don’t wish to send them. Because, the girl that penned those sad words down, is not there anymore.

I am not that girl, who would constantly look at the phone in case you text me or something like that.

I am not that girl, who would sit at the park bench and sulk at the happiness around.

I am not that girl, who would spend sleepless nights thinking about what could have possibly went wrong.

I am not that girl anymore.

I am that girl, who believes that some things in this world doesn’t stay forever, it has to end someday. Even the pain.

I am that girl, who believes that to survive here you don’t need anybody else to love you. You can be your own lover too.

I am that girl, who believes that if it didn’t work out with you, maybe it will work with someone more better.

Promises

Don’t give me promises. Through the years, I’ve learnt that promises are the most vulnerable things in the world. They can be easily broken, like you break a twig. And, I don’t want them anymore. I’ve had enough. Instead, show me. Show me, that you love. Show me, that you really care. Show me, that the brightest places of mine doesn’t make you insecure or my darkest sides doesn’t make you feel like walking away. But don’t promise me anything. Because, life isn’t just a fairy tale with everything perfect and I, darling, believe in actions.

Winter and memories

Some people don’t really go away from our lives. One moment, you think they you are finally over them and the next moment, as you look out of the window on a chilly winter night, a cool breeze brushes past of your face, fleeting all those memories together. You end up in a place, from where you are always trying to escape. The truth is they never went. They were always there, somewhere curled up inside you, fading away in the summer mornings and coming back with the winter breeze, again and again.

In my dreams

In my dreams, we go to places that take our breath away. Places with snow-capped mountains, sunflower fields, northern lights and titanic skyscrapers made of glass.

We dance along with the music of the cool breeze and the moonlight bouncing off the surface of the lake, making the water shimmer.

And then we sit at the rooftop of the tallest building, listening to the silence of the dark and admiring the calmness of the other wise chaotic city.

In my dreams, I always find you besides me, sleeping soundly. Then, I watch you breathe until I fall asleep.

The thing is, in my dreams, we are perfect.

In my dreams, you always stay.

Unlove you?

Two summers have passed and I still go through our old pictures, convincing myself that times have really changed.

I visit places where we used to go together, but an eerie silence covers me every time. I feel that even the sky, trees and the birds are mourning for our separation.

And when I watched our favourite movies, I can feel your presence besides me, holding my hand and snuggling under the velvet blanket.

The other day, when our eyes met at the subway, there was a funeral inside me. A sudden sadness gripped me. It felt like you wanted to say something too and couldn’t. But I knew, we both were pretending, that we’ve moved on.

Honestly, I miss you. I love you. Because it took me a hell of a time to love you this much and now I really don’t know how to not.

Trace

I have waited
long enough
to be loved by
somebody else.

Someone who was
a picture in my dreams,
caressing my tender back,

entwined hands,
whispering softly, with
a mint-like breath.

I failed to realise
that dreams are made
of glass, that break
taking your heart away
to an isolated place.

What I see now, is
not a picture but
shadow that’s fading.
like the moon wanes
until one day when it
finally disappears
into the pitch-black sky.

And this shadow will
also disappears one day,
without leaving a trace.

This is me

This is me expunging all your memories from the past.

This is me getting over the songs that you made me listen and the movies that we watched together, tucked in a blanket with my hand wrapped in yours.

This is me not getting up in the middle of the night, to see if you’d dropped in a message saying that you’re sorry. That you want to get back together, and that you made a mistake walking away.

This is me deleting your number from my phone because whenever it rings, I don’t wish that it be yours.

This is me finally ready to answer all the suspecting questions of the people.

This is me not getting pissed off when they hang their heads in false concerns for me.

This is me not getting uncomfortable with the thought that, one day you are gonna meet someone and fall in love once again.

This is me not caring enough about you.

This is me reading my favourite romance novels again and again. Despite of all the cruelty in love, I still believe that the world is a better place to find someone.

I still believe that, not everyone is the same.

This is me letting go everything that makes me sad and wander towards obscurity. This is me letting you go.

This is me, loving myself more than anybody else. This is me, healing.

This is me, beautiful, like my own constellation.

Soulmate

To the one who has always been there for me.

To the one, who lifts me up when the world throws me down.

To the one, who replies to every text message no matter what and answers every damn call.

To the one, who turns my sobbing conversations and continuous rant into a laugh riot.

To the one, who never complains or gets tired of my unexpected drunk calls.

To the one, who sends ugly Snapchat pictures to cheer me up whenever I am upset.

To the one, who advises me on relationships and is my solace in heartbreaks.

To the one, who criticises me for my bad habits but loves me anyway.

To the one, who has been a part of my life for a short time but feels like we have known each other for ever.

To the one, who is a part of all my cherishing memories and also of those to come.

To the one, who believes that I deserve all the love, success and infinite happiness.

To the one, I am proud to have as my best friend.

To the one, who will always have my back. For eternity.

To the one, who is my first and only true love in the world.

You are not just my best friend. You are my soulmate.