This new year

This new year, fall in love. Not necessarily with someone else but with your own damn self. Treat yourself with pizzas and ice-creams. Spend a cozy afternoon relaxing in your couch while you watch your favourite movie.

This new year, be braver. Brave enough to take some of the risks that can do wonders for you. Brave enough to walk away from things that give you nothing but pain. Brace enough to accept challenges that drag you out of your comfort zone.

This new year, learn to let go. Let go if anything doesn’t work for you. Let go the chances that you feel isn’t right. Let go the bitter memories of the previous year and all the years before that.

This new year, take a stand. Take a stand for the ones closest to your heart, ones who mean the world to you. Take a stand for love, peace and kindness. Also, take a stand for you.

This new year, heal. Heal the scars that adorn your body like the war marks. Wake up everyday with a motive to heal a little by little. Cleanse your mind with the thoughts that killed you.

This new year, forgive. Forgive the ones who promised to stay forever but ended up breaking everything, even you into pieces. Forgive, because at least for some time you have loved them with all your heart and they loved you back.

Most of all, forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for inflicting some much pain on your innocent soul that otherwise always deserves peace.

Ps: Last new year post, I promise 😄

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Warrior

I say

You broke,
You mended yourself,
You are a warrior.

It takes a lot of
courage, to carry your
own shattered pieces,
everyday and everywhere
you go, never letting
the world know about it.

It’s not easy,
to spend insomniac nights,
and still get out of the
bed in the morning.

Cheers to all those days,
when you wanted to give up,
but didn’t.

Cheers to all those days,
when you wrapped your
arms around yourself and
said, ‘Be brave’

Trust me,
You are brave.
You are the mirror
to everyone who is
hurting out there.

I say again,
You broke,
You mended yourself,
You survived
Yes, you are a WARRIOR

Sixth letter

Dear You,

I keep writing poems for you, stories of us living in a fairy tale. I write letters to you all day long, of which words look empty, sad and desolate.

Sometimes, it feels like they would die of so much of sadness in them.

My sister wants to read the poems and letters but I won’t let her. She insists, but still I won’t let her touch any. I’ve started liking the colour blue more. Because that’s what I feel most of the day now.

When the darkness creeps in it becomes strangely calmer. At night, I give up the weight of the world on my shoulders and sleep peacefully.

And then I dream of you, where we are still together, our eyes never leaving the sight of each other. Not even once. Where I try to give at least half of the love that you give me, that I didn’t do for real.

I try to not hurt you, like I did for real.

Love,

Me

Not your year.

Maybe this wasn’t supposed to be your year. Maybe you expected a little too much. Your experience was completely in contrast with what you had initially planned.

But it should not stop you from taking further chances. It should not become a barrier between you and your aspirations.

It should not turn you into a silent spectator in the face of any adversities. And it should also not stop you from bouncing back after every setback.

One bad year, doesn’t mean a waste. One bad year doesn’t mean the end of the world.

Try to let go the heartbreaks, the negativity but keep all the lessons that you have learnt in the process. Keep the moments that according to you were the best ones. Even the littlest of them counts.

Blow away the sadness of the craziest ten months where you were struggling to find your foothold. Keep the two months with you, where you started feeling the air, when you found your happy place.

Appreciate yourself. You’ve tried enough to make this year as yours and one day, you will certainly do it. Trust me.

Fifth letter

Dear You,

I hope you find someone who acknowledges that how a beautiful human you are. Someone who doesn’t overlooks your virtues and express disgust at your flaws.

Someone who accept your imperfect self with open arms.

I hope you find someone who wakes up everyday, happy and excited to meet you after a long long night. Someone who constantly reminds you that you are loved.

I hope you find someone who moves heaven and earth to just be with you. Someone who takes pride in having you.

Someone who doesn’t shy away to introduce you to their friends and family, as their better half.

I hope you find someone who is ready to lend you a shoulder whenever you feel like crying and surrendering all your vulnerabilities.

I hope you find someone who heals your wounded areas and not hurt them more.

I hope you find someone who loves you with all their heart. Someone who makes up for the hard time that I gave you. And someone, who isn’t me.

Love,

Me

Fourth letter

Dear You,

When I was 10, everyday I used to look out of my window at the sky. It was always blue, sometimes covered with a fog of clouds. Especially, I loved the colours of sunsets.

At night I counted the sheet of stars and watched the airplanes flying by. To me, they were shooting stars. It was my own little Universe.

But then, some people erected massive structures right in front of my window, taller, almost touching the sky.

I could no longer see the floating clouds or the airplanes passing through them. I couldn’t see the moon changing it’s phases with grace.

I think that’s what I did with myself too. I built a wall on all my sides, barring everyone to come in. I was used to the darkness, always.

I know if I had let you in, you would have dragged me into the light but the idea of scanning the sky with those stars again, scared me. I was scared that it will all be taken away from me again.

So, I decided to be that kid behind the window forever. And I am happy that you let me go.

Love,

Me

Musings of a braver self

Many a times I feel that, I should just stop expecting too much and let go everything that has kept me stranded for so long. Let go everything that has been sucking the remaining strength out of me.

I think of all the people who were a part of my life. Some of them taught me really great lessons. Real. Eye-opener. But I miss a few. And it’s difficult to let them go.

I look around my big room. It seems empty. I don’t know, if that’s me actually empty. There’s a painting of a young girl sitting by the river in a pensive mood, hanging on the wall.

Then there’s a picture of Merilyn Monroe posing in her elegant self, her eyes mysterious as ever. There’s my mother too, with a calm demeanor and an enchanting smile but a heart of lioness, the woman I admire the most.

At the end of the day, one person who remains is me. Not the ones who walked away or the ones who stayed back. Whole and soul me.

For my sake, I always find the strength against any more ravenous storms, protecting my wrecked places. I know I have to save myself at any cost. So I let go, a little everyday.

Apology

Dear You,

The day you walked away, I realised what it feels to be on the side of heartbreak. Because, it was always me who broke your heart. Your kind and golden heart.

It was me who would laugh at your romantic gestures. It was me who would get sick of your constant ‘I love you’s. I never tried to look into your eyes and find that your love for me was everywhere in them.

And now, I want to apologise. For everything. I apologise for all the moments, I made you feel unworthy for me.

I apologise for not replying to all your ‘are you mad at me’ texts.

I apologise for all the times I said that you weren’t enough.

I apologise for all the days, I made excuses to not be with you. I apologise for all the nights you went to bed thinking, ‘do I really matter?’

They’d always say, you don’t really understand the value of anything until it’s lost. Now I know, what they actually meant.

I apologise. And I want nothing but forgiveness.

Maybe yours,

Me

Musings of a healing heart

You know you’re healing when the memories of the past does not make you want to go mad.

You know you’re healing, when you start believing your scars as not ugly marks on your body, but battle marks. You adore them and take pride in them.

You know you’re healing, when you really want to do or see something happy. Because now you are all ready to do things that your heart wants.

You know you’re healing, when just waking up does not feel like the most difficult thing in the world.

You are healing when those nights of insomnia are slowly taking shape of peaceful dreams.

You know you’re healing, when you are no longer living for others. You are breathing because you want to.

You aren’t afraid of falling, because now you are stronger than ever.

And if any time you ever fall down, you’ve got all the courage to lift yourself up and walk on the road of beauty, called life.

About you

Dear You

Yesterday, I told him about you. I told him about the day we first met. I told him about the day, we ran away from the Christmas party to be somewhere peaceful and had our own slow dance under the moonlight.

I told him about the day, we fought with each other only because you said that Friends sucks. I told him about the day, you wiped my tears before planting a kiss on my lips. And how in that moment, every wrong felt right.

The kiss didn’t take my breath away but made me feel safe.

What I didn’t tell him is that, I miss you. Everyday, I try to find you in him. That, I feel like cheating on you by being with him. I don’t feel like home in his heart. It has been with you. It was always you.

Yesterday, I told him about you.

Love,

Me